AWAIT is a 5-Step Process to Change

Can he change? Will it always be this way? Why doesn't she just stop? He's too old to change. It's a "man" thing. It's a "girl" thing. All men (women) are this way, so she (he) just needs to get used to it. We've all heard or said these allegories and have wondered if they relate to specific behaviors or habits. The AWAIT system of change is a guide to changing yourself or another person.

Each of us needs to accept our partner for who they are and not expect them to change. Yet, change is inevitable. Sometimes, it can do wonders for strengthening a relationship. This is particularly true if a bad habit changes into a good one or if the change is something that will ease stress in the household and make your partner happy.

The following is a few things to remember. Each of us can only be responsible for ourselves. We cannot control another person’s words or behaviors. We can only hope we have influence on them. Most importantly, modification takes time. Hence, "wait" is ingrained in the process. Be patient with yourself and others. Forgive yourself if you fall short of your hopes and try again the next day. If your partner is trying to make a change, be supportive. Point out even small accomplishments. Encourage yourself or your partner to persist and not give up, assuring the possibility of success. Envision what you will look and feel like after you've achieved your goal. Keeping a journal of your daily process will improve the likelihood of your success.

AWAIT is the acronym that coincides with the 5-step process.
• 1) Awareness of the benefits
Don't just list the benefits. Create a picture in your mind and write it down. Feel the new you. Think of it regularly - daily if possible. Awareness not only gives a person reasons to change, but also the motivation to make the effort. It is vital to continue Steps 2 through 5.
• 2) Willingness to exert the effort
Many people want to change their partner even though their partner is perfectly content being status quo. Regardless of the vision created in Step 1, some people are simply not willing to work toward changing anything. A few possible reasons could be the following: too much stress already, benefits of not changing outweighs the benefits of changing, or less than optimal timing. People need to be willing to make the effort and choose a technique.

• 3) Action Plan formulated
You know the benefits and have chosen to work to achieve them. Unless you figure out what you are going to do differently and how, human nature warrants that you will instinctively do the same thing you've always done. The best action plan for you depends on your personality and resources. Start with educating yourself on how others have succeeded. Search the internet, library, and local agencies. Self-help material is everywhere. So are mentors and professional coaches. Replace the undesirable behavior with a desirable one. An Action Plan makes the rest of the approach easier; it is your blueprint for achievement and provides a focal point. "If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always got" (anonymous).

• 4) Implementation of your Action Plan
It takes 21 consecutive days of doing the same thing to form a new habit. However, very few people can change a long-term habit overnight. Hence, I recommend trying each action plan in 40-day increments. This gives you a few days to adjust to the new lifestyle. Changing anything takes effort. The longer something has been a part of us, the more challenging it is to replace it. Implementation is the most essential step of the all. Without it, failure is imminent.

• 5) Tracking your progress
Writing in a journal daily will significantly increase your likelihood for success. Preferably, write before you lay down to sleep. Mention what day of the plan you're on. Did you succeed? If not, why? If so, congratulate yourself and choose to do the same thing the following day. Remember it takes 21 consecutive days to form a new habit. Every day is a new opportunity to thrive. This journal is only for you and doesn't need to be shared. Therefore, be honest and don't hold back. At the end of your 40th day, reward yourself for all your hard work.

Occasionally, a person does not reach their desired results. In this case, ask yourself how close you came. Maybe you simply need more time and should try the same Action Plan for another forty days. Maybe part of the action plan conflicted with a static personality trait or routine agenda items. In this case, alter or redevelop the action plan while taking these things into consideration. Repeat steps 4 and 5.

This system can be used by people of any age, gender, or culture. Some physiological or medical conditions could require further actions not addressed or implied herein. The AWAIT system is designed to alter typical habits or behaviors. Please consult a professional if you want to modify patterns associated with addictions or psychological disorders.



Judy Graybill
Stepfamily Coach
Sensible Steps, LLC
Solutions for Today’s Families



judy@sensiblestepsolutions.com
407-739-4892

Five Tips to Setting Boundaries

Co-parenting with the ex-spouse can be challenging, even if a co-parenting agreement was entered after the divorce. Whether the ex-spouse is too intrusive or your partner is too friendly with the ex, create boundaries. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1) Boundaries are about you. It is about what you will and will not allow, without being unethical, immoral, or contradictory to legal court documents (divorce or co-parenting decrees).

2) You can only control yourself. You cannot change your partner or the ex-spouse. The best you can hope for is to influence the other parties involved.

3) Communication between you and your partner should be open, honest, forthright, and consistent. Schedule regular meetings to discuss incidents and to add or change existing strategies.

4) An ex-spouse is the optimal person to communicate alterations or suggestions. Since ex-spouses are often resentful of the new partner (step parent), he/she will be less receptive to the step.

5) For explicit help for your situation, consult a Stepfamily Professional.

Everybody sets personal boundaries to stay emotionally and physically fit, but stepfamilies experience a plethora of predicaments to ponder. These suggestions are intended to be vague and may not help everybody.

Judy Graybill
Stepfamily Coach
Sensible Steps, LLC
Solutions for Today's Families
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judy@sensiblestepsolutions.com
407-739-4892