This video discusses a sensitive topic. Step parents are "legal strangers". This is a sad reality in times of a medical emergency. There are other circumstances as well in which a child's needs can be compromised due to this legal misfortune. Biological parents can change it, if they choose, through legal documents. In order for that to happen, both biological parents have to agree to set aside any differences with each other or the step parent, in favor of the child's needs.
This is a particularly poignant topic for me as I've personal experience as a step mom without legal rights. I had an unrealistic expectation of being a "normal family" when I first became an acting stepmom. ["Acting StepMom" was a term I created because I was cohabitating with my boyfriend and wasn't legally married.] I wanted to be involved and make a difference. After helping my boyfriend's son with his homework, checking his homework, signing off on assignments, it was always disappointing (to put it mildly) that I was not invited or welcome at parent-teacher conferences. It seemed wrong to me since I was the main person involved with the rest of the educational process - all aspects of homework.
On top of that, when my boyfriend's son was in an accident at school, they were not allowed to give me any information. I was the only person home, which was the first number called. I was left in the dark to worry. After fervently trying to get a hold of my boyfriend at work (as did the school), all I could do was wait. I felt like a glorified babysitter without the glory. Yet, I was expected to put my life on hold to care for him when he was in a body cast and couldn't go to school. I was the one who made sure his homework was picked up from school and dropped off completed. When there was an issue pertaining to his educational needs, I talked to various people at the school, including the principal, to make sure the issue was taken care of. For that, they knew me personally, even though they never knew how to address me. I was the girlfriend of the dad of the student. Usually, they didn't spell out the full title.
Judy Graybill
Stepfamily Coach
Sensible Steps, LLC
Solutions for Today's Families
http://www.sensiblestepsolutions.com
judy@sensiblestepsolutions.com
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