Forgiveness is a must for anybody to have a healthy spirit. It is not a one-time action. It is repetitive. It should be sincere and come from the heart. It is a must in a healthy stepfamily.
Each member of a stepfamily needs to forgive. Parents would benefit by forgiving their ex-spouses, their childrens' other parent. This will make a huge impact on the emotional health of your children. If you feel negative emotions toward your ex, it could affect your ability to effectively co-parent. Even if you try guarding against it, it is likely that your true feelings will be reflected in your words or mannerisms when speaking about your children's other parent. Because children identify themselves as a part of both their parents, they are likely to internalize both positive and negative commentary. If you profess warm forgiving thoughts, your children will also learn how to be warm and forgiving.
Likewise, each of us need to forgive the other stepfamily members. Most people have good intentions; or at the least, they have neutral intentions. In other words, most people do not say or do things with the goal of annoying or manipulating another person. They just don't know the best way to say what's on their mind or handle various situations. People can't read minds and are generally unaware of other's emotional aura. Everybody is human and doing the best they can to handle daily stress. Forgiveness should be given to spouses, step/siblings, step/parents, and step/children.
I wish I could say it would be enough to just do this today - now. However, we are all human. Humans are fallible by nature. Hence, as much as we try to do the right thing, we will screw up again. Hence, we each need to be ready to forgive again, and again, and again.
Sincerity is a necessary element of forgiveness. Apologies without sincerity lacks the intention of avoiding the same mistake in the future. Recipients of apologies that are perceived to be insincere may feel gullible. If this is the case, it is imperative to keep in mind that forgiveness has the most profound effect on yourself - the forgiver. Fostering good interpersonal relationships is secondary. This topic will be discussed further in a different post.
Judy The Stepfamily Coach
Repairing and building relationships in step families
Sensible Steps, LLC
Solutions for Today's Families
http://www.sensiblestepsolutions.com
http://www.twitter.com/StepfamilyCoach
judy@sensiblestepsolutions.com
407-739-4892
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