A step family would not exist if a family did not break up. A family - not just the parents - gets divorced. Yet, it is the parents who decide to form a new family. They step into a new family.
Everybody desires to be wanted. Some people need to be needed, while others want to be needed. Let's face it. People want people. We want to be social. We want to have friends and have fun - to live before we die. This is more prominent after a break-up because people feel a part of them has been lost, or is missing. Specifically, adults crave companionship. Companionship with a close friend does not feel the same as intimate companionship. That drives people to try their hand at another relationship, sometimes through the five phases until a step family is formed.
This phase is very important to the health of a step family. It is a step family in formation. Healing your wounds after a separation - forgiving your ex and releasing resentment - is one of the most important things you can do. How you handle the move-out phase is a part of this. Are you the type of person who is going to share all the belongings so each of you gets half of everything? Are you going to insist you and your partner only take what she/he brought into the household? Or are you going to fight for everything and leave her/him with as little as possible? If you identify mostly with the latter question, then you have resentment issues.
Acting vindictive is not going to help your situation. It certainly won't set you up to co-parent effectively. The entire divorce proceedings is a preliminary process to co-parenting. These two items go hand in hand. If your divorce proceedings go smoothly, there is a much higher likelihood that co-parenting will be effective. Even if your divorce is volatile, peaceful co-parenting is possible.
Co-parenting is something you'll have to do for remainder of your children's life. The better you co-parent, the more emotionally healthy your children will be. It will teach them valuable lessons in how to interact with other people, even somebody who has differences. Your children will have higher self-esteem, be happier, have a more optimistic outlook, and have more friendships. There is a much higher likelihood they will be more well-adapted and flexible.
For more articles on co-parenting or separation/divorce, click on the links below:
Blended Family? Stepfamilies are Like Quilts
Susan Epstein, Parenting Coach
Peaceful Divorce
Judy The Stepfamily Coach
Repairing and building relationships in step families
Sensible Steps, LLC
Solutions for Today's Families
judy@sensiblestepsolutions.com
407-739-4892
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