Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you and your family have a safe enjoyable holiday.
Whether you are traveling or staying home, Thanksgiving can be stressful. If you are traveling, you may have to deal with crowds in traffic, the airport, or the bus station. If you have to stop at the store, you’re dealing with other people who are in a rush and often not paying attention to anything or anybody except the focus of what they need at that moment. If you are staying at home, you are likely cooking, possibly for many people. Maybe you’ll be host. Or maybe you are a lucky one who only has to show up and enjoy the day – or wade through other people’s stress. If you are the latter person, I’m happy for you. Congratulations! Enjoy. To everybody else, please try to be patient with everybody else. Assume they are dealing with some sort of stress and give them the benefit of the doubt in all situations, even if only to keep Thanksgiving Day a day to be grateful for even small things.
Many personalities converge in the same place at the same time. Drinking is a part of many households. Football or other sports on tv is fodder for team rivalry. The temperature in some houses is high due to the heat from the cooking or the crowded space. Finally, there could be a new addition – a step member – in a family, possibly one who is not accepted as part of the family. Oddly, it seems nobody knows how to push buttons like family members. All of these factors add to the stress of individuals. Even close-knit families have their share of arguments. Multiply that stress factor by ten to have an idea of the stress level in a dysfunctional stepfamily. Highly dysfunctional stepfamilies can increase the factor another tenfold.
It is common to have frenemies within a family. If you are not familiar with the word, see my previous post in Oct about frenemies. They are even more common in stepfamilies, although individuals don’t like to admit it. It’s ok to continue keeping it a secret. Some step parents think of their step children as frenemies. Likewise, some step children think of their step parent in the same manner. Ex-spouses, in-laws, the non-custodial parent, some bio parents, and even some (step) grandparents can all be frenemies to somebody somewhere.
Regardless of your position within the family or stepfamily, whether you are a newbie or maybe meeting a newbie, a frenemy or not, you deserve to be treated with dignity. Likewise, everybody else, step or bio, newbie or long-timer, related or not, deserves to be treated with dignity. You don’t know the extent of stress each person is under. Nor do you know their threshold and what would tip them over the edge. Please keep this in mind. If you know somebody’s buttons, please make an effort to not push them. If somebody else pushes your button, try to ignore it. Muster up a smile if you can. Maybe you should decide to just go along for the ride, so to speak, and let things roll off your back. Decide to enjoy yourself no matter what.
Keep in mind that it could be worse. There is always somebody who is less fortunate, who has less or nothing, and who wants something you have but can’t have it. Many people don’t have any family or don’t have a place they consider home. So, even if you feel uncomfortable or stressed, there is always something to be thankful for. This includes your family or your frenemy.
Please be safe. Try to relax and enjoy thanksgiving. Most importantly, be grateful for everything you have.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Judy Graybill
Stepfamily Coach
Sensible Steps, LLC
Solutions for Today's Families
http://www.sensiblestepsolutions.com
http://www.twitter.com/StepfamilyCoach
judy@sensiblestepsolutions.com
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