I hope everybody had an exceptional Thanksgiving Day, stayed safe, had enough to eat, and found plenty of things to be grateful for. Blessings to you! This blog entry is not targeted to you.
This blog is targeted to the folks who had trouble finding things to be thankful for or otherwise had a miserable Thanksgiving. We all want to be happy, particularly on holidays. We like to think of Thanksgiving Day as an opportunity to spend quality time with loved ones – close friends or family. We like to laugh, share stories and food, and maybe play games together. In fact, this is what I did yesterday. However, not all of my Thanksgiving Days have been good. As much as I’d like to believe it was isolated to only my family for 1 year, I know that isn’t the case. It is an unfortunate reality that many people spend the holidays alone, depressed, knee-deep in arguments, fielding inquiries from police, or some other unfortunate circumstance.
The following is a true story of my Thanksgiving Day several years ago. It is one illustration of one holiday in a highly dysfunctional stepfamily. I decided to share this personal story so that other people who have had a depressing holiday may be able to feel better about their day. Sometimes, hearing of others’ misfortune makes us feel better about ours; it reminds us that somebody somewhere is in a worse position. This story is for you.
It was the first Thanksgiving I was going to spend with my boyfriend’s family. His entire family was going to be there: his dad, stepmom, kids, granddaughter, brothers, sisters, nephews, and nieces. I was very nervous to say the least. I figured it was going to be awkward and was feeling leery. On the other hand, I was looking forward to finally getting a taste of deep-fried turkey. It was our job to bring the kosher foods tray. I spent a considerable time finding the tiered serving tray and arranging the variety of pickles and olives in a way to make it presentable for a high-class affair. I had no idea I was going to be the only one eating it as I spent the day alone.
His children, who were living with their mother, would meet us at his sister’s house, about 11:30 AM or so. Plans changed early in the day when his daughter called. She had a major argument with her mom, which got a little physical. I don’t recall specific details, but know she was in a very bad mood and hid the car keys. Her mom called the police. I believe the intention was to have her removed from the premises. My boyfriend went over to try and resolve matters. He took my cell phone, since he didn’t have one, to call his sister and tell her we’d all be late. He was supposed to call me with updates. He also took my car because his daughter and not-quite-ex (they weren’t legally divorced) was borrowing his. They didn’t have a car, so he and I shared mine. The new plan was to resolve the issue and come back to pick me up so we could all go to his sister’s together.
He did not take me with him for 2 main reasons. One: he didn’t like to involve me in their personal struggles; Two: I was not allowed inside their house, so I would’ve had to wait out in the cold in the car or driveway. I didn’t mind staying at home, though, because I wanted to spend a little longer making the food tray look presentable.
A long time passed before I got a call. He shared very little, but it was clear we wouldn’t make it to his sister’s before they started eating. I was still expecting to go whenever his daughter would give up the car keys or they finally found them. Hours passed without a word. I called my cell phone a few times, but nobody answered. I no longer had any clue of what was going on.
At first, I tried to hold out on eating, but was too hungry to restrain. Then I remembered that we hadn’t had time to go grocery shopping yet due to the crazy schedule that week. The only part of the tray I liked was the pickles. I thought about finding a restaurant that was open on Thanksgiving, but remembered I had no transportation. I thought of calling his family to come get me, but their phone numbers were stored in my cell phone. So let’s recap. I was home alone. I had no food other than pickles and olives, and I didn’t like olives. I had no transportation to drive anywhere. I couldn’t reach my ex and didn’t have his family’s phone numbers. I wouldn’t know what to tell them anyway, because he didn’t want to share this stuff with them either.
I wasn’t really looking forward to spending an awkward day amongst his family. Yet, I would’ve given anything to do that over being alone. This was my third Thanksgiving in this cold state, far from my immediate family, and the previous 2 were no picnic either. I missed my family tremendously. I would’ve given anything to be back home that day. Instead, I cried while thinking of home. I called my mom, sisters, and friends to vent and cry on a virtual shoulder. My Thanksgiving dinner turned out to be a bologna sandwich and a few pickles. It didn’t fill me up, but I didn’t have much of an appetite.
My ex finally came home after dark. Apparently his daughter had got physical with him too, which resulted in his face getting scratched. She said many hurtful things to him and everybody else. She never turned over the car keys. They never found them. He finally got tired of lecturing her or whatever he was doing for so many hours. He made it clear to her that she ruined many people’s Thanksgiving Day that year. I found out later that his sister had called my cell phone several times. She was going to offer to come pick me up, but she thought I was with him at their house dealing with all the issues.
This type of episode was not that unusual, but happening on a holiday was the worst timing. In a society which prefers touching inspirational stories that make people smile, this story is made of stuff we don’t like to talk about or acknowledge. As sad as this story is, I’m sure somebody else can top it with a worse story. To everybody who feels their Thanksgiving was better, I sincerely hope you can realize all the wonderful things in your life to be gracious for. If you still can’t find something, write me so I can help you find it.
Judy Graybill
Stepfamily Coach
Sensible Steps, LLC
Solutions for Today's Families
http://www.sensiblestepsolutions.com
http://www.twitter.com/StepfamilyCoach
judy@sensiblestepsolutions.com
No comments:
Post a Comment